have here today a guest that wasn’t so easy to get ahold of. He isn’t listed in the yellow pages, you can’t
read his blog, and the guy never tweets. Xandir is a destroying angel by day,
and by night…well, still a destroying angel.
In fact, he’s got the gig until the End of the World. At least there’s job security, right?
awfully gutsy making fun of some with a sword in each hand. I’ll have you know,
I once toasted two cities and turned a lady into a pillar of salt all before
lunchtime. Don’t test me.
angel before. From all the paintings and stained glass windows I’ve seen, you
all seemed to be an easy-going lot. I
see I’ve been misled.
well, you wouldn’t be the first. I know we don’t exactly offer to pose for
portraits, but greeting card companies really just need to try harder.
common misconceptions for us, Xandir.
where do I start? I could probably write a whole book about it.
about music in heaven? Is harp strumming compulsory?
think I’d be caught dead with something as frilly as a harp? No, angels play
all sorts of things, though I think a few instruments have been banned. The
accordion, the bagpipes, and the kazoo have been relegated to Hell.
demons. Now there’s one more reason to
stay on the straight and narrow. I can’t help but notice that your wings don’t
look quite like I had imagined. They look more like the surface of a bubble. Do
all angels have them?
But remember the wings are more substantial than they look, and we’re not
birds. Not even little cherubs for all their sickly-sweetness.
That’s reminds me, there seem to be a lot of different types of angels. How does that work?
little bite-sized ones are the cherubim. They are the younger ones in training,
usually apprentices to more senior angels.
The suck-ups get made Seraphim, who take great pride in supervising the
rest of us. I’ve got a High Seraph who acts as my glorified baby sitter. It’s
his job to make sure I don’t just destroy stuff for fun. Or boredom. I guess there are some Archangels
even above them, but who cares about them?
Interesting. Now, I’ve got to ask, is there really a cloud nine? What makes it
exists, but it’s not really that much better than clouds one through eight. I think there’s a pretty good ambrosia stand
there, but, you know, it’s been a while.
I know you’ve probably got to get on to destroying some more things, but I’ve
got to know. What’s will halos? You
don’t seem to have one.
pretty observant for a mortal. The deal
is, not all angels have them. What you
all see as a halo is actually a crown given to big wig angels. Like most angelic clothing, the crowns glow
and create that ‘halo’ effect around the angel’s face. What I’d do to try on one of the Archangel’s
crowns. It would make a Rolex look like
a Cracker Jack toy.
Where are you going? I have some other questions I’d like to ask.
bad. Duty calls. Oh, and I’d stay off the interstate today if
I were you. I’m headed there now, and it
might not be pretty.
Thanks for the tip. I’ll…and he’s gone.
You heard him folks, straight from the angel’s mouth: stay off the interstate,
and, well, don’t take up the kazoo.