Wally the Web Wizard and the Web

Overview

Wally is a wizard who combines traditional magical equipment with an information system that behaves like nothing else in the Beandom. His crowded tower contains books, flasks, animals, ingredients, and a huge crystal ball capable of connecting to distant people and searchable knowledge.

He is friendly, distractible, and deeply proud of the Web. The system is useful enough to redirect Grimblewaith across the Beandom, yet unreliable enough that every answer may arrive wrapped in advertisements, conflicting reviews, technical delays, or an argument about trolls.

How the Web Works

Wally accesses the Web through a crystal ball. The connection begins with strange squawks and squeaks while the device “dials up.” Once connected, faces, locations, ratings, and specialized services can appear in the swirling surface.

Sir Brows, a bald knight distinguished by enormous eyebrows, serves as one of Wally’s guides to the network. He explains its customs, warns about anonymous cruelty, and helps interpret information that Wally retrieves without always evaluating it.

Phoenixfinder.bean

The BPD Chief sends Grimblewaith to Wally with a scroll containing a single address: Phoenixfinder.bean. To Grimblewaith, the line looks like a spell. To Wally, it is a route into the Web and the beginning of a search for the rare creature capable of transforming a Whatsit into faekind.

The search leads to the Great Joaquin, but locating the phoenix is only the first problem. When Joaquin demands the sweetest confection in the Beandom, Grimblewaith returns to Wally for a second search.

Ratings, Reviews, and Trolls

Wally uses Web ratings to locate highly recommended bakeries. Conflicting reviews puzzle him: one visitor may award five quills while another gives only one. Sir Brows explains that distance and hidden identity make people willing to say things they would never say while standing in front of an armed troll—or an offended baker.

This lesson does not prevent Wally from recommending Sir Burras’s Bakery, whose excellent rating hides a three-headed trap. The incident demonstrates the Web’s central rule: access to information is not the same as wisdom. Reviews may be manipulated, literal trolls may appear, and the most popular result may still attempt to eat the customer.

Uses Beyond Research

• Finding rare magical creatures and specialized destinations
• Consulting distant experts such as Sir Brows
• Comparing public ratings and recommendations
• Looking at adorable felines
• Playing mind-numbing quest games
• Creating new opportunities for phishing, trolling, and other problems with unexpectedly literal names

Key Relationships

• Grimblewaith: The officer whose urgent phoenix mission repeatedly tests Wally’s research skills.
• Sir Brows: A remote knight and interpreter of Web customs.
• Sirsi: A mirror sprite who provides complementary magical information about phoenixes and transformations.
• The Great Joaquin: The ultimate destination of Wally’s first Book Five search.

The Web can answer almost any question, provided the questioner survives the recommendation.

—The Chronicler

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