Interview with Jarom and Giveaway

This week I’ve got a another character interview, this time from Xandir’s sidekick, Jarom the Cherub. 

Speaking of interviews, I have one up here on Booksnatch that includes a giveaway of “The Canticle Kingdom”. Hop on over for more details. 

Interviewer: Today with us we have Jarom the cherub. He’s looking a little shell shocked. What’s the matter, kid? Never seen a city before?

Jarom: Actually, no, not an earthly one. It’s a little…dingy.

Interviewer: What did you expect? You mean they don’t let you look down here with your little heavenly periscopes or something?

Jarom: Oh, we could. I just never wanted to. It is heaven after all.

Interviewer: So, first I want to ask, are the streets there really paved with gold?

Jarom: Gold? For a garbage can maybe. We’ve got much better stuff than gold up there.

Interviewer: Interesting. Now tell me, what about St. Peter? Does he really sit up there at the gates and wait for everyone? Sounds like that could get a little boring.

Jarom: I think it would be more accurate to say the “Saints Peter” do that job.

 Interviewer: I don’t understand.

 Jarom: The St Peter you’re thinking about only does it once in a while. Basically, they recruit anyone who happens to be named Peter and split up the shifts among them. Most newcomers are too starry-eyed to notice the difference.

Interviewer: So what’s your job up there? Do you work for Cupid or something?

Jarom: Cupid? Heavens, no. He may look cuddly, but don’t get on his bad side, and don’t even think about using the word ‘cute’. Those heart-tipped arrows are plenty sharp. I actually work in the ambrosia business.

Interviewer: Ambrosia? Tell us about it.

Jarom: It’s only best food on heaven or earth. Manna comes in at a close second. Sometimes we even mix the too and have ambrosia filled manna. Literally, a match made in heaven.

Interviewer: So would you care to share the recipe? Sounds like I could win a few contests with that one. 

Jarom: I only wish I could. Sharing the secrets of Heaven with man is a banishable offense. If you a taste, I’d have to kill you.

Interviewer: A donut to die for. Now you’re just being cruel.

Jarom: I really am sorry. One angel who gave away secrets got made a destroying angel thousands of years. I can’t think of anything worse than that.

Interviewer: Do you have a pet peeve? Do angels have pet peeves?

Jarom: I assure you they do. And I know mine. It’s when people say ‘cherubs’. It’s not a word. More than one cherub and you say ‘cherubim’. Tell your friends.

Interviewer: I know you’re busy, but is there anything else you can tell us about heaven?

Jarom: Just that it’s worth it. I miss it like crazy already, and I’d do anything to get back. Something tells me that there’s a rocky road ahead before that happens.

Interview: Thank you, Jarom. We’ll let you get on to your assignment. There you have it folks, from the mouth of an actual cherub, proving that there actually are donuts in heaven.

Interview with Xandir

Today as promised, an interview with Xandir, the main character of my novel, “The Last Archangel”.  

Interviewer: We have here today a guest that wasn’t so easy to get ahold of.  He isn’t listed in the yellow pages, you can’t read his blog, and the guy never tweets. Xandir is a destroying angel by day, and by night…well, still a destroying angel.  In fact, he’s got the gig until the End of the World.  At least there’s job security, right?
Xandir: You’re awfully gutsy making fun of some with a sword in each hand. I’ll have you know, I once toasted two cities and turned a lady into a pillar of salt all before lunchtime. Don’t test me.
Interviewer:  Sorry, it’s just, I’ve never interviewed an angel before. From all the paintings and stained glass windows I’ve seen, you all seemed to be an easy-going lot.  I see I’ve been misled.
Xandir: Yeah, well, you wouldn’t be the first. I know we don’t exactly offer to pose for portraits, but greeting card companies really just need to try harder.
Interviewer:  Perhaps you would like to dispel some other common misconceptions for us, Xandir.
Xandir: Sure, where do I start? I could probably write a whole book about it.
Interviewer: What about music in heaven? Is harp strumming compulsory?
Xandir: Do you think I’d be caught dead with something as frilly as a harp? No, angels play all sorts of things, though I think a few instruments have been banned. The accordion, the bagpipes, and the kazoo have been relegated to Hell. 
Interviewer: Kazoo-wielding demons.  Now there’s one more reason to stay on the straight and narrow. I can’t help but notice that your wings don’t look quite like I had imagined. They look more like the surface of a bubble. Do all angels have them?
Xandir: Most do. But remember the wings are more substantial than they look, and we’re not birds. Not even little cherubs for all their sickly-sweetness.
Interviewer: That’s reminds me, there seem to be a lot of different types of angels.  How does that work?
Xandir: The little bite-sized ones are the cherubim. They are the younger ones in training, usually apprentices to more senior angels.  The suck-ups get made Seraphim, who take great pride in supervising the rest of us. I’ve got a High Seraph who acts as my glorified baby sitter. It’s his job to make sure I don’t just destroy stuff for fun.  Or boredom. I guess there are some Archangels even above them, but who cares about them?
Interviewer: Interesting. Now, I’ve got to ask, is there really a cloud nine? What makes it so great?
Xandir: Yeah, it exists, but it’s not really that much better than clouds one through eight.  I think there’s a pretty good ambrosia stand there, but, you know, it’s been a while.
Interviewer: So, I know you’ve probably got to get on to destroying some more things, but I’ve got to know.  What’s will halos? You don’t seem to have one.
Xandir: You’re pretty observant for a mortal.  The deal is, not all angels have them.  What you all see as a halo is actually a crown given to big wig angels.  Like most angelic clothing, the crowns glow and create that ‘halo’ effect around the angel’s face.  What I’d do to try on one of the Archangel’s crowns.  It would make a Rolex look like a Cracker Jack toy.
Interviewer: Where are you going? I have some other questions I’d like to ask.
Xandir: Too bad.  Duty calls.  Oh, and I’d stay off the interstate today if I were you.  I’m headed there now, and it might not be pretty.
Interviewer:Thanks for the tip.  I’ll…and he’s gone. You heard him folks, straight from the angel’s mouth: stay off the interstate, and, well, don’t take up the kazoo.